That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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