"it" just moved
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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