new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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