There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
