There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Randomize
