i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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