It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
