I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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