The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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