I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
