The maid of honor just puked.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
