I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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