So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
