Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
