ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
