I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
