i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
