I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I need a beard to bite.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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