If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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