3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
even my farts smell like vagina
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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