she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
