you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
