Apparently you make a good broom.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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