i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
