ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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