We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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