Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
