Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
