I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
