i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You're like the curious george of whores
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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