she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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