good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why did my mother make you get naked?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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