Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
where are my eyebrows?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize