You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
