4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
