This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
