Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
