Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
