i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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