Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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