i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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