She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
