So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
