Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
