Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I love you.
Bad choice
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
