I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
