i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
