I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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