If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
