so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
