i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
