Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
