I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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