Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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