Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
