OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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