you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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