im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
