why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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