Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
