tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
