Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
