I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
