last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
