im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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