he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
