i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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