Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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