I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
