still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
