$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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