If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize