i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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