hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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