y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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