i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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