careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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