Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
