you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize