I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
