It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
