Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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