he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
