apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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