She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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