someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
