The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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