Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize