when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
