life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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