Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
