The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
