I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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