Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
