the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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