You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
