So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize