So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
