i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
