Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
