if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
