I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
