I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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