she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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