I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
