Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
