I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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