Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
