Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
