I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
