he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
