We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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