Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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